“Tremble before the fury of the MON — what’s that? I’m just supposed to introduce this schmuck? Oh, all right: Here’s that guy with the long reviews. There. Happy?”

Thanks for the intro, Monarch. Star Clipper received a shipment of Venture Brothers action figures, and it took a lot of willpower not to buy all of them. They look fantastic. But we’re not here to talk toys — we’re talking comics.
Well, it was a week of the unexpected. Issue #2 of Baltimore so soon after the first issue? A one-shot Sgt. Rock story? The conclusion of a Hellboy series without a gap of several months? Speaking of months-long waits, how ’bout a Mouse Guard book, the third one in 2010 — that has to be a record. All this, plus Conan, Uncle Sam and Thor, too? This is not even taking into account the two volumes of Thor: The Eternals Saga some kind soul re-sold back to the shop, allowing me to pick them up for half-price. (Note to self: try not to gloat about finding great deals on the used comic rack). I proclaim this the greatest comic book bargain of 2010! (Note to self: remember to read the notes to self).
“Sure,” you say, “that’s the greatest *bargain* so far — but what was the best thing you read this week?” Dive one line below and we’ll begin our journey of discovery together, amigo/a.

Knowing my penchant for vikings, medieval fantasy and the whole sword and sorcery magilla, it should come as no surprise that I’m a serious fan of David Petersen’s Mouse Guard. It’s a thrilling book with beautiful art, a well-developed world and great characters, and it’s also a book I can share with my oldest nephew. However, my excitement about issue three of Mouse Guard: Legends of the Guard finally arriving was slightly diminished after reading it. The set-up for this anthology series is a storytelling contest with only the framing sequences done by Mr. Petersen; The first two issues were overwhelmingly excellent in art and story, and this installment just seemed a little “meh.” Katie Cook’s story was too Saturday morning cartoony in look, Guy Davis’ story was too short and Nate Pride’s tale — a ballad — was well illustrated but hampered by a dodgy rhyme scheme. Jason Shawn Alexander’s rendition of Poe’s “Nevermore” was fantastic in execution and art, but it seemed tacked on and had no bearing on the storytelling contest. What I’m saying is, “Expectations after two issues and a long wait for number three were high, and they were not met.”

Let’s tackle Baltimore and Hellboy together, since they seemed to be traveling down the same path and then radically diverged this month. Fire up the SPOILER ALERT warning system, I’m feeling revealing. Hellboy: the Storm #3 concludes this arc, and as far as I can determine, two things happened. First, Hellboy made the decision to return to the B.R.P.D. with his new love interest in tow (she has a name, but it’s not used in this issue and I can’t remember what it is; it’s the grown up version of the baby Hellboy saved from the wee folk changeling way back in The Chained Coffin collection), and he rejected his demonic heritage/legacy as destroyer of the world. One is a new development and one is an old development and if you don’t know which is which, you ain’t been reading Hellboy for long — he’s always rejecting his satanic majesty’s request. It’s Hellboy’s thing, along with the cigar and trenchcoat that looked pretty cool 20 years ago and now seems kinda cornball. Beautiful art, though.

I’m less keen on Ben Stenbeck’s art for Baltimore, but the overall tale feels “less Hellboy” and more “weird adventure” this time around. It’s all flashback, with Lord Baltimore regaling us all with his WWI experience, which was terrible, thanks for asking: senseless death in the trenches, giant bats, mystical smoke from the bullet holes in his body being anathema to the aforementioned bats — it’s getting good, folks. It’s not great, but it’s trending in that direction.

For reasons I’m not even sure of myself, I’m a Sgt. Rock fan. Oh, I know why; Robert Kanigher’s plots are eight-page, pocket-symphonies of drama and action, and Joe Kubert’s economical and expressive art captures every note. Pick up either of the Showcase presents reprints and see for yourself. I don’t know that I’d recommend this Mike Marts/Victor Ibanez parallel story experiment, “War is War,” if you’re into Sgt. Rock. I get what Martz is going for with it; we have a typical WWII grunt’s life on the left pages of the book compared/contrasted with the modern American infantryman on the right-hand side. I’m personally uncomfortable with images of the World Trade Center on fire as a plot hook in a comic book, but not nearly as much as I am with images of people jumping to their deaths from a flaming WTC — it is, in the parlance of our times, “too soon.” Sgt. Rock works best in a WWII setting because most people can agree that that war was for a greater good, that the Allies were clearly on the side of the angels and that it was all a very long time ago — this last point allows for a safe remove from modern life. Bumping Rock up against today’s politically complex war is jarring, and Rock is barely in the thing. Couple that with some stilted dialogue and a ridiculous wildcat mercenary team that’s supposed to stand in for Easy Company and … you know, I could go on and on about this book’s failings. Just buy Showcase Presents Sgt. Rock vol. 1 and see how good it could have been.

You know what was really good? Conan #23; very suspenseful, well-illustrated adaptation of a story featuring one of my all-time favorite characters.. But I say that about Conan all the time, so I’ll say Freedom Fighters #1 instead. I bought it because Uncle Sam is on the cover, and that’s a DC superhero we just don’t see often enough. It’s a Jimmy Palmiotti/Justin Gray script, which means fast action, slick if somewhat over-the-top dialogue and a strong goofy streak. Navajo superhero Black Condor gets to beat up some Nazi punks in an Indian casino, and that’s so very wrong it becomes right.

There’s some X-Files business with the Ray and Phantom Lady, Human Bomb gets to do his thing, Uncle Sam is assembling a superhero strike team in the interest of national security, and best of all, there’s not even a one-panel attempt to explain who these folks are or what they’re doing. I like a first issue that throws you into the story and let’s you catch-up on the way. Please note that Blackest Night/Brightest Day/Softest Hair/whatever has forced me to drop many DC titles, so if the Freedom Fighters’ origin story happened in one of the 498 pieces of the puzzle I didn’t buy, mea culpa. If you didn’t buy ‘em either, definitely don’t let that stop you from buying it. It’s a fun, intriguing story and it’s a good superhero book.

Good in a very different way is the first issue of the Robert Rodi/Simone Bianchi Thor limited series, “For Asgard.” Taking place after the death of Balder — this is the first step towards the fall of Asgard if you’re not up on your Norse mythology — we find Thor ruling the land while Odin goes looking for a solution to the problem of the seemingly eternal winter that has settled over everything. Thor’s not finding the responsibility of leading the nation to his liking, Sif is publicly agitating for him to find a solution to the increasing insurrection of Asgard’s vassal-states other than all-out war, Thor’s been killing giant children (read: “children of giants,” not “really big children”) and now he can’t get his hammer up (not a euphemism)– it’s a mess. Remember when all Thor’s existential dilemmas arose from him wondering if Jane Foster could ever love him and his gimpy leg? I am admittedly a devotee of the more complex, true-to-the-mythology characterization of Thor, but this truly surprised me with its quality. And it must be noted, Bianchi’s art has a moody, fairy-tale quality that suits the story perfectly. Dramatic layouts, epic poses, heroically-rendered heroes and heroines — if you’re a fan of classic illustrators such as Arthur Rackham and Howard Pyle, you’re going to love Bianchi’s art.

I tell you what, I’ll offer you a bonus. If we’re talking about traditional cape ‘n’ cowl superhero comics, Freedom Fighters is the best thing I read this week; if we’re gonna go just by the strict rubric of comic book that made me most happy, then Thor: For Asgard is the best thing I read this week. So, if you’re not me, keep that distinction in mind. (Note to self: find out if you’re you.)

-Paul

Of all the memorable guns produced in the 90s (Cable’s massive arsenal of oversized bazookas being the most obvious stand-outs), the single gun worth noting in my mind for sheer ridiculousness was Johnny Blaze’s hellfire shotgun. I honestly think Johnny Blaze survived the 90s pretty well, especially in comparison to some of the other more unfortunate Marvel “pouches and mullets” makeovers. The Johnny Blaze series I remember the best from this era might also have the longest title from that decade: “Rise of the Midnight Sons ~ Ghost Rider/ Blaze: Spirits of Vengeance.” Now that’s an easy google search. Somehow “Spirits of Vengeance” artist Adam Kubert was able to bring Blaze back (Note – In the 90s he went by just Blaze) still sporting the Evel Knievel jumpsuit under a Gambit-style trench coat, with a pony tail and shades. He even smoked and cussed! Palling around with 90s Ghost Rider (who was randomly separated from host Danny Ketch during the story), Blaze was armed with only the most awesome gun a 70s comic-relic revamp could ask for: the ubiquitous, occult-bounty-hunter hellfire shotgun!

Okay, obviously this isn’t your over the counter Wal-Mart riffle. This pump gun packed one hell of a punch. I don’t remember if it’s ever explained where he got the gun (Could it have been Mephisto or Zarathos?), but it was seemingly his only defense against the super-natural since I’m pretty certain Blaze did not have any other super-abilities after being separated from his form of the Ghost Rider. Actually, his gun only seemed to take effect when he was near the other Ghost Rider. So as long as he was hanging with the new flame-head, he was blasting hellfire and riding a harley with flaming wheels. Otherwise, he was pretty much a vulgar loser. My biggest question was where he got the hellfire shotgun shells. I envision him waiting for Ghost Rider to fall asleep to secretly pack the hellfire off his slumbering, flaming-skull. Sounds complicated. Either way, given the opportunity I’d roll with Blaze.

While I’m at it, I think the Spirits of Vengeance mini-series is worth mentioning for one other reason: brain eating. Before they introduce the abomination that is Vengeance into the Ghost Rider mythos, the series had a story arc with Spider-Man and Venom (playfully titled “Spirits of Venom”). That was one of my favorite story-lines when I was a kid and it still features my favorite incarnation of Venom. During this period, Venom was obsessed with eating Spider-Man’s brains. I thought that was so cool. Why can’t Venom still want to eat Spider-Man’s Brains? I think Blaze even has a line about how sick he is of all the brain eating talk. For what it’s worth, that story-line also featured Johnny Blaze blasting the demons out of the Hobgoblin with his hellfire shot gun. They really should bring that gun back the next time they have an ongoing Ghost Rider series.

-Jon

I don’t know how we could continue this theme of famous comic book guns without at least a mention of Spider Jerusalem’s bowel disruptor from one of my favorite series, Transmetropolitan. This is the weapon that brought a president to his knees…literally.

Since Spider Jerusalem is basically a thinly veiled homage to Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson, it comes as little surprise that he shares his love of illegal firearms with his real-life counterpart. The bowel disruptor’s settings range from simple diarrhea, to what Jerusalem calls “fatal intestinal maelstrom.” Obviously this is not a journalist you want to cross considering the weaponry he’s packing. Spider is typically “never unarmed” but considers the BD a favorite since despite being illegal, it is non-lethal and untraceable which is a plus considering his line of work. Spider even went as far as to arm his “filthy assistants” with their very own disruptors once it was apparent that the president (yes, the president) was out to get them.

On another note, you would not want to cross Spider when he is wielding the “chair leg of truth” which may not be a firearm, but is still “wise and terrible” nonetheless. Although Spider has a pretty wide arsenal of weapons, none are more trustworthy or ever present than his bowel disruptor… except maybe the chair leg of truth.

-Jim

When it came to figuring out what gun I wanted to write about for this theme blog about comic book guns, I was at a loss. Most of the characters that I like don’t use guns… Or… They already are the gun. Characters like Cyclops, Superman, and Darkseid; who can shoot beams out of their eyes. Or characters like The Juggernaut, The Maxx, and Buffaloman (Kinnikuman/Ultimate Muscle): who can hit you hard enough to make you feel like you were shot by a cannon. It wasn’t until Jon suggested the leader of the Decepticons (Transformers), that I knew what to write about. And so, I bring you a blog about Megatron, as well as another Transformer that I think is cooler than him.

Before I begin, I’d like to point out there is some debate about what came first, the cartoon or the comic? Honestly, they came out so close together that I feel that, they were both probably developed at the same time. For most fans out there, we know that the toys came first, different sets of transforming items were created in Japan and were later licensed for distribution in America under a united brand. The toys were faction’d up between “friendly” items and “unfriendly” items. Generally, automobiles made up the majority of the Autobot faction, and military/combat vehicles made up the Decepticons. When it came time to deciding on who the leaders would be, well… I don’t know how simple it was to come up with the red and blue truck (Optimus Prime) becoming the leader of the Autobots, but certainly, the toy that changed from Man to Gun was a simple choice for the leader of the Decepticons.

So what kind of gun is Megatron? Originally, based on his toy design, he had the ability to change forms between a humanoid robot and a Walther P38. This handgun was developed for use by the Wehrmacht as their general service pistol. More specifically, the toy that was eventually named Megatron was a special edition transforming gun modeled after “The Gun” from the television show The Man from U.N.C.L.E., which explains why Megatron’s barrel was so absurdly long. Growing up, I’d only ever seen one original Megatron toy in person. It was a cool thing to behold. The problem was, Megatron just looked to much like a real gun, so most parents just wouldn’t allow their kids to have one. Also, as you’ll notice in the picture above this paragraph, this gun was produced during a time before toy guns were required to have an orange nozzle at the end of the barrel.

But enough about the toy, why is Megatron such a cool gun? Well, I think part of it has to do with the absurdity of his size-changing ability. Megatron is a giant robot who can transform into a gun that can be held by other Transformers, or to an even smaller size to be used by an average sized human. When Megatron is in his robot form, the fusion cannon that is attached to his right arm is able to level a city-sized block in one shot. He can also create a sub-dimensional link to a black hole and fire out antimatter as ammunition. That’s pretty cool to me. But you know what? That’s not as cool as this other Gun-Transformer. No. The Transformer that I’m talking about has no need for changing his size when he transforms. This Transformer that I’m talking about is named Shockwave.

Shockwave is the purple cyclops Decepticon that never received an “Earth form”. Because of this, when he transforms, he remains a giant 35 foot-long ray gun. While in both forms, he can fly around and talk. Also, as a means of attack, he commands the entirety of the electromagnetic spectrum for offense. So… He can cook you in any way he wants. That’s pretty cool. Also of note, Shockwave is purely a logical being, in fact, the idea behind his character was inspired by Spock of Star Trek fame. But in the end, Shockwave lacks a face in his robot form. This makes him one of the most unnerving characters in the Transformers universe. His cold optic will stare deeply into your soul, then he’ll melt you. That’s cool. Way cooler than Megatron.

And that’s it for this one folks. Megatron and Shockwave. Two awesome comic book guns. One more awesome than the other. I hope you’ve been enjoying this themed blog, and I guess, I’ll just catch you later!

-Fleet